Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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