Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
