what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
