please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Buhtt sex?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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