Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
there is puke in my bra ... again
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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