you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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