I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm eating all of the evidence.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
