if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
