guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
