I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
