i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
