So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
