So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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