3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
