1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
