And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
