I'm gonna have a badass scar
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
