just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You can't motorboat a personality
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
