i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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