I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
