She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
