tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
