I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize