You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
