So drunk, too bad you don't want this
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
