Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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