I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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