Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
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