I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
