If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
