She said her name was "party"
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
