We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
