i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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