Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
