I faked an abortion last night.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
