One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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