ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
