I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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