maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
