gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
