What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
