I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
