I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize