If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
