Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
