The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
