just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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