Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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