My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize