Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
