and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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