So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Couch. On fire.
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