TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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