no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
