I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize