whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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