your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
he had hair everywhere except his balls
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
