he wants to bone in the snuggie
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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