I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
