the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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