idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
