I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
