i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
As shirtless as possible
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
