He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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