i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
