My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize