I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
