Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize