I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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