Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
