so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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