The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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