Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
