Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
