I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
All I want is dick and wine.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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