Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
