..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize