You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I yelled at your uterus for you.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
