At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
