when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He better not be in your backpack
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
