i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
