Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You are the jesus of drinking
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
