can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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