He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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