I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We have so much sex to catch up on
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
