don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the day after is always just damage control
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
