omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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