so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
