And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Vodka?
Forever.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
