Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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