so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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