I am spending my child support on dildos
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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