wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
it was like his penis was on wheels.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
