youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
