Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
