I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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