so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
