I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
