everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
