Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Never underestimate the power of titties
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
