Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
