You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Semen is not good for contacts.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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