you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
