I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
