So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
