I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
