i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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