I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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