why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
