I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
