I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
