i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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