a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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