got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Your penis caused this!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
