I will die if light touches me.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize