i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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