i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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